How It Starts

Reading Time: 3 Minutes

What to Expect:

• Some Netflix homework

• A starting point for optimizing your well-being and performance

• Some potential exercises to try

If you haven’t watched Stutz on Netflix, I’ve got a homework assignment for you. Pause whatever show you’re working through and spend an hour or so with Jonah Hill and his therapist. I promise it’ll be worth it.

The main theme of this documentary aligns with the goal of this newsletter - to make techniques that enhance people’s lives more accessible. In the case of Dr. Stutz, he’s actually already written a book by the same name of his core techniques in the documentary called “The Tools.” The tools is a collection of techniques he uses to promote change in his clients. Many of them are evidence-based strategies that he’s made fun or more accessible. The end result is a powerful relationship with his clients and a relatable way of thinking about well-being.

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This documentary got me thinking about what my version of “the tools” would be. In performance psychology, this set of techniques (from my view) would promote not only well-being, but also flourishing, peak performance, and progress toward fulfilling our full potential.

Stutz starts the documentary explaining what he calls the “life force.” This foundational set of skills - sleeping, exercise, and relationships - serves as the foundation for the way he thinks about work. From the sounds of it, it’s the first thing he focuses on in his work.

In my work with elite performers, values is almost always (with some very rare, solution-focused exceptions) the starting point. From the psychological perspective, values are overarching qualities of behavior that people want to embody. It’s a set of words that describe who they want to be or become. From here, changes we need to make to the foundational elements of well-being can be connected back to something meaningful to the performer. When we’re making changes that matter to us, change can be quite straightforward.

This set of words serves as an evergreen source of motivation and an alignment check on our behavior. Often when we want to make a change, the energy to get started comes from the dissonance or disconnect associated with not quite being who we’d like to be - there’s a disconnect between how someone’s living and performing and what they value. Clearly labeling and naming the values gives us a way to track together whether or not the change we’re discussing fits for the outcomes my clients are after. Values serve as both a beacon and a guardrail.

You might be surprised how many people have never consciously processed what their values are. For elite athletes and performers there can be a sense that they were simply “destined” to be here. Maybe someone identified their talent early and consistently pushed them into sport. Maybe they’re just here because they aren’t sure what else they’d do. They lack awareness of what guides how they show up day to day.

Starting with values almost instantly changes the feel of the experience. People light up when they start exploring who they want to become and what matters to them. We’re all wired for progress.

So what does making these values conscious look like?

A fun way to do this is to ask people to imagine that ESPN made a 30-for-30 documentary about their lives. I ask things like, “what would you want the title to be?” and “how would you want people to feel about you when the documentary ended?” We can also get at our values by getting a sense of who we idolize and what about them we admire.

What makes values powerful is that they serve as a motivational compass. Humans have evolved the incredible capacity to link words to images in their mind, and to connect their behavior in the moment to these images of the future. We can imagine what we might feel like if we ate healthier or exercised more. We can also imagine how we’d feel or how others would feel if we were embodying humility, honesty, care, trustworthiness, or any other value words. Exercises like the 30-for-30 documentary help us envision what embodying these values might really look and feel like.

The benefit of such imagination means that our values are always accessible to us. We can envision them any time. We can think about something we’re about to do right now, and ask if it aligns with the values we wish to embody. We can proceed if the answer is yes, and pivot if not. Values are there as a constant guide and motivator. And if we end up doing something that doesn’t align with our values (these things happen), we can also feel the dissonance arise and resolve to do better next time. Values are a powerful way to shape behavior.

Since changing and optimizing behavior is really what it’s all about (the mindset and other virtues follow after), values are the best way I’ve found to make that change meaningful. Bigger picture, values serve as the middle layer of the cake, between purpose and goals. I usually work from values to goals, and then backward to purpose. Purpose is what you believe you want to dedicate your life to; values are the qualities you want to demonstrate along the way. Goals are how you make both values and purpose tangible in daily life. You can find more on setting goals here, and more on purpose coming soon.

If you want to know what you value, there are several simple exercises you can do on your own.

Here are some ways to get started:

Create Your 30-for-30. Imagine what it would be called, who would be in it, how you’d like them to feel, what you’d stand for, what you’d be doing, and more. Focus your attention on how you’d want people to describe you in the documentary (NOT how they’d describe you now). This might give you a sense of what matters to you.

Values Card Sort. Here’s a link to a simple exercise that will help you sort through values and see what resonates most for you: https://motivationalinterviewing.org/value-card-sort-online-game

Reflection. Think back on times in your life where you felt and performed well. What energized you? How did you show up? What made it meaningful? These reflections will also tell you something about what moves you.